Dear Christopher Columbus,

Well, well, well, isn't this interesting?  Of all people to be giving out lessons on morality, why not the ignorant, Italian explorer, that can't tell the difference between India and the Caribbean?  Well Sir, I can see a banter of back forth finger pointing will not solve anything.  The only way to establish who has brought more ill will into the world is to study history.  Let's begin with that fateful journey in 1492, how many people died because of your selfish need to explore?  How many innocent "Indian" lives were sacrificed for no just cause?  You are an abomination of a human being.  To you people are pawns in your chess board of life.  The only crime I am guilty of is supplying middle America with reliable, inexpensive, everyday items.  Criticize all you, Columbus, but one day your dark past will over shadow your less than impressive discoveries.

Sincerely,

Walmart Smiley